The Last Baby
I packed up more baby clothes yesterday. Little 9 month jammies and pants. Socks and shirts and teeny tiny socks. I placed them into a box and carefully labeled it. Baby boy 9 month summer clothing. He outgrew them all, and I have slowly been buying 12 month clothing until it was all he was wearing. It was time to remove the 9 month stuff from his drawers.
This baby is our last baby. I’ve said that before but I mean it this time. Before him, we wondered if we wanted a third child. We waited and dreamed of what it would be like. For a long time, I was too scared to go through it all again. Pregnancy, labor, newborn. Not sleeping. But eventually the desire for a baby outgrew the fear.
And here I am. I got through the stuff that had held me back for so long. He’s going to be one soon. He’s outgrown yet another box of clothing. This time I won’t save it in my closet, I’ll donate it to another woman who needs it. Because he’s my last.
He outgrew his playmat too. You know the colorful circle mat on that you put down on the floor with little toys hanging overhead that they can bat at. Well now he’s sitting up so I packed that up too.
And his bath seat-this cute soft mesh blue chair that he rested back in during his baby baths. We had to wait two weeks to use that chair because he had to lose his umbilical cord from his belly button first. I couldn’t wait to use that little chair. One day last week he leaned forward and jumped out. Now he’s big enough to sit on the floor of the tub with no chair. He just sits there and plays while I wash him.
He has six teeth now. Two on the bottom and four on top. He smiles at me while he plays with this crazy toothy smile. Gone forever is the gummy toothless mouth. I cannot get enough of him.
Pretty soon he’ll be done nursing too. I held him this morning and wondered how that will feel. To nurse my last baby for the last time. Tears pricked my eyes.
For so long I was so fearful of coming back to this stage. This stage of hard. Of pregnancy and newborn. The unknown. Of sleep training and diapers and constant infant need.
But it’s ending. Every time he outgrows something I’m reminded of how quickly it all goes. Not just newborn but childhood. Time whispers “it’s over....” and I pack my boxes.